yet another little post

Yea, so it's small, oh well, get over it ... whoever you are watching my blog in secret? ... I dunno.

I'm doing well I think. . . my Wii Fit no longer tells me I'm obese ... only overweight. so I guess that's a plus.

Other than that, the puppies are getting huge... and we're still dealing with the bank's stupidity ... haven't been able to take the puppies for their shots as needed because of the theft of some of our money ... well, perhaps I should say most of our money. Hell, we were below our balance for like a week because of their stupidity.

Anywhos ... the puppies are playing rough and I gotta make sure the kids don't get in the middle of it.

What's new?

Well, nothing really.

I am feeling much better, for the most part at least. I am a little sore from yesterday's trek through the Disney parks, even though we didn't stay all day like we were thinking about doing. Oh well, it was mainly due to the fact that we were already tired from the previous night. Regardless though, we did have a good day I think.

I have started taking the zylotrim stuff that I had gotten a while ago. I'm not sure if it's from that, or the walking we did yesterday, or the fact that I've started watching what I eat and making sure I'm not over-eating. Eat what I feel should actually be enough, go slowly while eating, and let it soak in that I'm actually full. That, and drinking lots of fluids.

I'd love to get onto the Atkins diet thing again, I mean, I had started on it, but it is expensive to buy all the stuff that's good for the diet. So, I guess maybe I might just start doing the whole oriental bit of prepping lots of rice in my diet. Fill me up, not eat too much proteins.

I'm also starting myself on a regular schedule that will include exercise after the kids go to sleep (as they tend to either attempt to climb on me while I do ab-lounge stuff, or want to play with me on the Wii Fit). This will also (hopefully) help me to start doing things that I usually would shun doing ... you know, those things that you should do every day, or multiple times during the day ... yea. Perhaps this will also help me with, what I believe, is my ADD problem that I've had for many many years but never diagnosed with.

I've taken tests online multiple times, and every time it tells me I should really seek a doctor or psychiatrist to be able to properly diagnose me for my possible ADD issue. But every time that I do see a doc, I forget to bring it up ... perhaps a desire to keep it as an issue so that I can let my mind wander like it wants to do (usually ending up playing some kind of game, but never choosing what play, or how long to play)... or I don't know...

Well, I do have an appointment coming up in early July (the 9th actually) ... perhaps I'll remember then to bring it up to the VA doc. Also I've got to remember to pester her about my suppose-ed meeting with a neurosurgeon about my back problems ... it has been in the system for the Tampa office to schedule the appointment for 6 months now. By this time, more than likely, the MRI's they took will be needing to be updated again for the neurosurgeon.

Enough for now I suppose, time to get the kids to sleep, and to get some exercising done.

midnight confessional?

So yea, I didn't post as of yesterday ... well, this is partly due to one simple thing: We managed to get off and go to Disney for a day at the park with just the two of us, leaving the kids at my parent's house. The other reason, well, I didn't feel much into writing.

I guess my mood is a little happier, having spent a day with my wife, but things are still ... strange right now. Again, I don't want to write about it here as that's just not needed. I am attempting to change my life by a LOT here, and it's mainly for myself, but really, it is a good deal about my relationship with everyone, especially her.

I woke up at about midnight and woke my wife up to have her get into bed, as she had fallen asleep watching TV on the living room floor. When she got into bed, she did say "thank you" ... but I'm not sure if that was for the day we had, or for getting her into bed. I want to think it was for the day, but I have an inkling that it was just for getting her into a more comfortable sleeping arrangement.

Here it is now 45 min's after midnight, and I need to write things down. I figured I'd start here, then perhaps another little note on the computer here to her. I love my wife greatly, and things could be much much better, but I've found myself to be very ... stupid as of late in the regards of being a good husband. I've found that I was playing WAY too much games...to the point of it basically running my life. I'd quit playing WoW for it was too simple and boring to me. I'd quit FFXI a few times prior because it started getting into a schedule of events for each day of the week...like a flippin job. My mind knew that wasn't a good thing, so I'd stop playing those. But the side of me that was in love with games kept finding a new world to go exist in. I was acting like a kid in High School, where I needed to be an adult.

I guess you could say this is my mid-life crisis time, wherein I re-evaluate my life, and find all this shit out, regret it, and try to fix what I've broken due to my stupidity. All day today while I was out with my wife, habit for being out with her, had me wanting to hold hands, I also wanted to kiss her from time to time, but with the talk we'd had not too long ago, I knew that was out of the question. I suppose our talk did give me a kick start on this change, but I now know I really needed this kick in my ass. I love my wife, and don't want to loose her, but I also know that I should change for myself so that I can be better than I have become.

After getting out of the military, I've slowed down quite a lot in my maturity, and as of late...reversed. At first, yes, I wanted to always have a job. As I went on, and kept getting fired from one place after another, sometimes not exactly any reason given for the firing (but that's Florida for you), I started getting back into gaming. Slowly at first, and I think it started mainly when I was at Convergys back a long time ago. One of the guys there said I should try out FFXI...so I did, and I was hooked... I clocked SO many hours on that world it was crazy. After a while some lovely storms here in FL decided to have that business shut down for 3 consecutive weekends, wherein I was scheduled to work. The problem with that was when they couldn't give me extra work days to make up for the 40 hours of work I'd been shafted out of due to inclimate weather. I changed where I worked, but kept playing FFXI, only a bit more.

I eventually quit FFXI when a friend in the game attempted suicide, which was not an easy thing to deal with. I thought I may have been done with it forever, but I had gotten dragged back into it somehow again and again...mainly I think it was the expansions. Again, I'd play, get into a schedule, realize how much it was taking control of my life, and I'd quit. I tried WoW out a few times with other co-workers, then a couple times with friends I had made in other games, that just so happened to live majority in the UK. I'd stopped doing that for the last time with them in the UK, and vowed not to return to WoW for multiple reasons. I'd then stepped back into FFXI crazily enough. Again, it seeped into a regime of each day dedicated to something in FFXI, leaving nothing for myself to be able to do, either in or out of game. So I hung up the FFXI towel ... for the last time.

Now that was oh, I dunno, 4 or 5 months ago that I stopped that. I don't plan on returning at all, and I do feel better for not having a daily schedule that contained "gotta log in and try to do with my FFXI character" ... I tried to find something else to fill in my time...unfortunately for me, with my mind on being a gamer, I'd found new games to play. I found Requiem: bloodymare, or something like that ... then a few other web-based mmorpgs that had some graphical interface. Then eventually somehow I had found Fantasy Earth Zero ... and it seems it started again, a desire to always try to better my character in game. Heck, I had every desire to get better, I kept being told that I was one of the best of my class anyone had seen for a while, and I was a new player! What would happen if I practiced and got better at what I already knew how to do?

Well, really that isn't what I should have been thinking. See, I've not had a job in like 4 years, I've been the house-husband...supposed to be cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, and everything else. But I haven't been. I've been playing games non-stop. It's eeked into my life so much that it seems that was all I knew how to do anymore. I would keep from doing chores and make up lies just to feel better about myself. This hurt me in more ways than I could know...up until now.

I can't pin everything on games, as it is my own stupid fault for getting hooked and not having the self-control to know "this is not a normal behavior". So here I sit, undergoing a much needed change in my life. I don't want to do this alone, I do want support, but I don't know who is here to support me other than myself. My parents are attempting to help I suppose, by helping me get my car fixed, and by attempting to get me to help them with some of their business stuff (selling things for them online). I really want more support, but when I reach for it, it feels like it's slipping further away ... at least the support I want to get.

I suppose this is why I'm still writing too... I really do want that support, but yea, I don't know. I know I need to change a lot to get things back in proper working order for my life, but I don't know ... I ... really, I'm not sure what I'm after any more other than fixing what I fucked up in my life over the years ... and especially over the last few months...

it's been a while

Yea, it's been a while, but for some good reasons, some not so good.

I'd rather not discuss the not-so-good stuff right now, perhaps later.

As for the good, well, we are keeping two of the puppies from the litter, but we now have to find a home for their stupid mother. We have tried everything in our power to keep her in our yard.. it's not like we've got a small yard, I mean we're on a lot just over half an acre, and the house we're in doesn't take up much of the lot.

As for some changes that will be going on with my life... well, that's going to be more good for me, just hard to do. See, things aren't going that great in my life... I've been found to be playing a LOT of games as of late... to the point where it's cutting into my regular chores and things. This isn't good for my health, or my life. I just the other day, went to the hospital for chest pains and more. While they did rule out the possibility of a heart attack, they couldn't nail down what's wrong with my chest pain.

I have started working with my wife to be able to get myself a nice solid schedule to live by. I have not been diagnosed with ADD, but taking the little tests online and researching it, I have the feeling that I've had ADD for a very long time. I get distracted very easily, and this is why my blog has not been updated on a regular basis. I know I said that I'd like to keep this updated with what I've done, no matter how small the update, but I really haven't. I'm not going to make any excuses for it, I know what went on.

So yea, mainly I've been playing my Monster Hunter 3 on the Wii... well, not anymore as of late really. I've actually kept my main computer off for about a week except for to print things. I did print off my application that I filed in with Disney...and a letter I wrote just to keep everything on paper.

As for the funny bit though, I turned on my main computer earlier to be able to check my e-mail...I got an xfire message from someone on my massive friends list there... This person wanted me to start playing WoW again... all because he wanted to take advantage of the recruit a friend thing. I told him "sure, you get me a new copy of the game, all the expansions necessary, and ... oh yes, you'll need to pay for my monthly service charges" he promptly said nevermind. I told him I was trying to get some extra income into the house so that it's not just my wife getting all the money for the house, he tried to tell me to get the game with the extra money. I laughed and just went ahead and shut off my computer again.

Oh well, here's hoping that the changes I'm going to be partaking upon will get me changed at the least back to the way I was 5 years ago, if not better (10 years ago I was pretty well off but that may be a push for me at this point)... I will be striving for the better bit. On top of that, of course, also attempting to make sure that my gaming calms down quite a bit. See, I need to make time for the changes and keep to my changes. So, I may not report much in the gaming front for a while, while I fix my life.

Puppies with a new home & Gaming as of late

So, my mother-in-law came over today to be able to have me look at her girlfriend’s and son’s laptops… One had a faulty mobo or processor or possibly memory … it’d lock up within seconds of getting anywhere in the boot sequence, even right when it got into the BIOS setup, it immediately locked up. While the other had a hard drive failure in the form of a missing file necessary for windows to start. Of course, that could mean one of a few things, Virus, Accidental deletion (why would anyone go to system32 directory and delete something? who knows), or a bad sector forming. She didn’t bring the recovery / reinstall CD’s so I couldn’t try to do that to recover the missing file.

They' then got to see the puppies for the first time. They almost immediately chose to take the ‘dirty one’. After being around for a while outside with them all, they decided to take the striped black one too. So now we only have 4 left to give away. One male (a black one that looks almost like a Rottweiler) and 3 females (a white with large black spots, and two brown ones). Although we may end up keeping the lightest of the two brown ones, and finding an alternate home for their STUPID mother.

Now, as for my gaming, yea, I’ve not updated this in a while, but I also haven't seen anyone leave any comments, so I’m pretty sure nobody’s read any… other than maybe a couple family members that may have stumbled through my different social networking chains to find it.

Anywhos, I’ve still been playing Fantasy Earth Zero, and have gotten even better. I’ve given lessons to other people that are trying to get as good or even better than me. But I am getting rather upset at some of the hackers. Namely the ones that have modified their character models to make it so that hidden scouts (what I like to be) are showing as not being hidden, or majorly highlighted. I am surprised when I see a bow scout able to land any and ALL hits on me when I’m at a full run and they have to stop for each shot. Oh well, I guess the mini-flinch I get when I get hit keeps me within distance. But that only explains a straight line path, I’ve found even swerving paths that some of them are still able to land every shot no problem.

I’ve also gotten to the point in Monster Hunter 3 that I’ve got to kill the Lagicarus or whatever it’s name is. But of course, to do that, I really do need to update some of my gear, namely my weaponry. I just got the ability to make the long sword, and it is quite nice. The only problem I have is that I have gotten kind of used to the lance, seeing as I can ‘turtle’ bosses by hiding behind my shield so they can’t hit me. But I really do want to get the switch axe upgrades so that I can have some high damage. Yea I may not be able to block stuff, but it’ll still be nice.

Well, until next time… possibly see you online if you’re doing that on MH3

as of late...

Yea, I've been busy ...

Playing games yes.

But mainly on the Wii, Monster Hunter 3 (tri) is pretty sweet, and I've finally started trying to do stuff online.

Partly though also because of the simple fact that my house has crappy insulation, and therefore it's constantly hot as hell in here. IE: Right now, outside it's 88 ... but inside my house ... yea, it's 84 ... with the AC cranked down to 76. Yep, crappy insulation. I've also turned off most of the heat generating items that I can keep off. One of which being my desktop.

So, while I sit and sweat here, I'm hoping that the city gets that grant information thing for houses in need of being torn down to build a better house. This place has so many things wrong with it, not only the lack of insulation, but the AC vents are junk as well, so the air doesn't move as much as it really should. Not to mention the fact that the main bathroom has mold growing inside the walls due to a leak that came from the skylight that we have since covered when we got a new roof. Oh, and there's a window that's broken, currently 'fixed' with duct tape.

Well, I'm'a go play some FEZ for a bit then attempt to get some dinner prepped and stuff.

Oh, and Natural Selection 2 is now able to be installed on Steam, but not available to be pre-ordered through the same...you still have to pre-order through their site.

Monster Hunter...

So, well, yea it's been a while.

I have been playing Fantasy Earth Zero pretty much the whole time. But, I just as of last night, got invited finally to join the corps (guild) Requiem. It is one of the most organized corps on the server.

Other than that, well, I went ahead and got Monster Hunter 3 (tri) for my Wii ... so far, it's not that bad ... I may have to try the classic controller to play, as it's a bit ackward with the wiimote and nunchuck...

I do have to say that the graphics are quite nice on MH3, much more than I thought would run this smoothly on the system actually. It's quite pretty, and while there is no lock-on feature, it makes fights a bit hard at times.